Let’s get straight to the point. We as single Christians need to stop thinking and referring to our future spouse as “the one.”
There should only be one “the one” in our lives, and it starts with a capitol “O”. If you haven’t caught my drift, I mean God. Jesus. The Holy One.
When we view our future spouse as “the one,” we are putting him/her on a pedestal a little too close to God. Speaking from experience, when we view him/her this way, we are subconsciously believing (or hoping) that he or she will be perfect and faultless– an angel sent from heaven to complete our lives. Or as Disney has taught us, a Prince Charming in shining armor coming to whisk us off to his big castle & a happily ever after.
Truth bomb: we are ALL sinners. And we’re going to marry a sinner. Every girl and guy brings brokenness and fault into a relationship. But somehow, our culture (even in the Church) has come to believe we need a spouse to complete our lives. Y’all, God is the One who completes us. Jesus is the One who has already come as our humble Prince, with a crown of thorns & a garment of scarlet to take on our sin. And He will come again. The next time He comes, He will be in shining armor to take His bride (the church) away to paradise. He is the only One who should be viewed as our prince.
Here’s a question to ask yourself: “Do I see marriage as my life-goal?”
If you answer “yes,” it may be time to re-evaluate your goals. JESUS needs to be our life goal, folks. Marriage is wonderful, and I think it should be a goal, but not the goal. Marriage a connecting flight, but Jesus & heaven is the destination to paradise.
Don’t take this as a call to forget marriage– absolutely not! And I beg you not to think that because you’re longing for marriage, that you’re sinning. I don’t believe so. I am very much looking forward to it. Marriage is such a wonderful way to spend the rest of your life– and God has woven that desire for companionship into our DNA. So don’t think you’re wrong or sinning for desiring a relationship. But under no circumstance, put your relationship, your marriage, or your desire for the latter above your desire for God.
When you put your hope in the world, you’ll only find momentary pleasure that doesn’t last. Put your hope in the One (there it is again ;)) who created the world, and you will have a relationship & a unconditional love that lasts for eternity.
Eternity includes now, too. Present & future.
Are you in a place of longing for a relationship? Before you go any further, ask yourself if you’re ready for marriage. If you’re not ready for marriage, what makes you think you’re ready for a relationship? Sure, nobody will be absolutely ready for marriage. But if you know you’re not ready maturity-wise or spiritually-wise, and marriage isn’t even your goal in a relationship, well hon– you’re in deep weeds. Be ready spiritually and set marriage as the goal for dating.
Sister, (or brother), I know you’re feeling lonely. I know that feeling of desire & the waiting for that companion. And it seems to be taking forever. Maybe it seems like everyone around you is in a relationship, or getting married, or having babies… and you’re discouraged. I get that. But here’s a secret that’s not so secret… They did not get in a relationship instead of you. The best is yet to come, dearest. Hold on to hope, and make sure your hope is in the Lord. The Lord’s timing isn’t wrong. It isn’t just “okay”. It is perfect.
So. Do you desire a relationship? Do you desire marriage? Here is your call to action: start getting prepared. Start getting ready for marriage. Pray. Pray like crazy! Pray not only for your own preparedness, but for your future spouse’s as well. Pray for wisdom & clarity too. Seek counsel. Y’all, there are so many mistakes that can happen in relationships. (Again, we’re all broken people). Seek out older, more experienced people who have already made those mistakes & have wisdom to help you. And study. Study God’s word most of all, but don’t be afraid to crack open a marriage or dating book. There are so many valuable resources out there that can not only help you prepare, but also gain the right mindset for a relationship & marriage. (Here’s a book I am currently reading that has lots of truth to dating and marriage.)
If you need some clues as to if you’re ready for marriage, one is to analyze how you treat other people– your family, close friends, or even strangers. Relationships take a lot of sacrifice & forgiveness (and a million other things, but that’s obvious) and if you’re not able to offer that to others, how will you offer it in a relationship? Or maybe you’re wondering if someone you like is ready for a relationship? Do you know what the best way to tell is? Watch how he treats his mother. Or how she treats her father. That will tell you so much about that person.
My favorite example of marriage in the Bible is the covenant between Jesus and the Church. It’s such a good reminder on how we ought to view our future relationship.
“Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.””
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband….”
And then of course Proverbs 31…. Read it here.
Gals, the bride does not sit idly by saying “oh, one day I’ll get married.” She is getting ready. She is preparing and waiting with anticipation for her groom to come. Likewise, guys, the groom is preparing a place for his bride– just like Jesus is preparing a place for us. Get ready to take care of your bride. You are her protector and leader. As much as we love to talk about woman’s rights and all that jazz, biblically, the man is leader of the home.
Guys, are you ready to lead your bride like Christ leads the Church?
Gals, are you prepared to support your groom as the Church is to follow Christ?
It comes down to this. Pursue God first. View your future partner as companion for life, not the completer of your life. And prepare for marriage.